Fashion woes. Or something.

tIs everyone in this country either going to/coming from a party or work, or is it just me? I pose this question, because it's basically how everyone dresses. It's either business attire or very "hip", stylish clothing (with the exception being, of course, otaku who don't give a shit and the people who look like they are going to a convention, in their crazy lolita wear and whatnot).

Back in Portland, people are pretty free-spirited and laid-back. I come from a part of America that's not very huge or very small, so you WILL see people dressed relatively fashionably, but the vast majority of people are in pretty damn casual clothing. Most of the time, I'd just wear jeans and a t-shirt. If I felt like being a bit fancier, maybe jeans and a button-up t-shirt, and if I felt I wanted to go a little bit further, I'd add some nice-looking flats to that. Pretty casual.

Here, though... I feel like I need to wear my best clothes every damn day to fit in. This is difficult when you are coming from another country, can only pack so much, and thus your wardrobe is quite limited. I don't know about you, but I hate looking like I wore the same thing a couple days ago.

The other side to this problem is that I am too big for Japan, even if I wanted to buy clothing. My chest is too big, my feet are too big, I am too big. Not to mention, clothes are expensive as all hell, as with everything else in this city. (BOOKS. ENGLISH BOOKS ARE WAY TOO GOD DAMN EXPENSIVE. ... Sorry, that's been bothering me all day.)

I think I'm done ranting about clothes for now, but I will leave you with one more thought:
I. Hate. Rush. Hour.

Apparently Ikebukuro is NOT a place you want to travel through if you want to like... breath. Every morning my train has to go through Ikebukuro to get to my transfer station, and it's hell. I am pretty sure I was touching at least 5 other people, simply because everyone was so god damn squashed together. I guess I can see why some guys get a kick out of it, having their crotch pressed against someone else... but personally, it's just a tad bit uncomfortable. Especially since I've gotten the "ohmygod a gaijin at rush hour, what's she going to do?! Is she going to faint?!" stare several times so far. Plus, I get probably 10 minutes added to my trip just from the door taking forever to close because everyone is so squished that it takes the people at the door a while to get themselves back enough for the door to be able to close. Ugh.

That's enough of my ranting for tonight... soon to come: complaining about school!

You don't even want to know

Japanese guys are great to look at, sure. I just wish I had a freaking clue as to how to deal with one in a... potential relationship way. This is probably my loneliness acting out, but man are there some cute boys going to Waseda, haha.

How do you do that, though? Especially coming from America where expectations of appearance and actions from women are almost the opposite. Japanese guys seem to typically like cute, kind of shy and humble girls... whereas in America it's outgoing, social, "sexy" girls who get the most attention. I'm not really either of these though, I guess. Maybe it's because it's been so long since I've dated that I have even less of a clue what to do than I thought I would. Oi. I just don't know how to appeal to them without compromising who I am, because I am sure as hell not about to go buy frilly shit and wear heels every day.

And on top of that, how do you let them know how you feel? With an American guy I'd feel a helluva lot more comfortable just being kind of open and honest about it, but with Japanese guys... I feel like I should skirt around the subject and give hints, and that just feels weird to me.

Man, relationships are such a pain in the ass sometimes, but damn are they fun. I miss having a boy to play with! ...That sounded dirty didn't it?

Jesus, this is kind of a whiny entry haha, I promise the next one will be at least a more entertaining! And now, I shall leave you with fireworks pictures!

o-e-o-e-o, ice ice ice

I don't actually like that song, get over it. It's just stuck in my head, god damnit. Anyway...

One thing in particular that I noted today: Japan just smells different.

This is not always a bad thing, some of my favorite food comes from here, and of course that smells great. I guess it's just the unfamiliarity of it that really gets to me, what with my icky case of the lonelies nowadays (yes, I did just use the word "icky"). Though I feel a little more at ease around my host family, it's still hard as hell to communicate with them beyond "un"ing, "hai"ing, and nodding emphatically, pretending I know what the hell is going on when I really, really don't.

The last couple of days have been pretty busy as well, which is a mixed blessing. Nice to get out and do something, have some time taken up during my day where I'm not sitting on my butt in front of the computer. The thing is, though, that when you don't have much to say in Japanese with other people either and you apparently have an affinity for carrying way too much shit with you, going on daily adventures can get tiresome.

I also finally bought my phone yesterday, and was starting to be okay about feeling like I gave up some, as of yet unknown, piece of my body when I got an email today from my mother asking me TWICE in the same paragraph "what happened to getting a prepaid phone?" I love you Mom, but honestly I don't want to hear anything that makes it sound like I made a bad decision right now, feeling inadequate enough kthanks. There's only so much I can do with a language I can barely comprehend and therefore cannot thoroughly research products/plans from the country which the aforementioned language originated.

I am thinking that I just really need to make some friends (ones that aren't forced upon me), and do something I LIKE with said friends. You know, it might also help if I could find a guy, they are nice distractions. Then again, I can under no circumstances have any friends (of either gender) in my bedroom here, so it's not like anything could happen... at least not if I didn't want to get a hotel room or mess around in a park or something. Ugh.

On that note, I am going to go watch the season premiere of Heroes and then go read till I pass out.

P.S. One more thing, I've uploaded a crap ton of photos in the last couple of days so feel more than welcome to click on the flickr majigger on the top of the sidebar to check 'em out!

I'd like to order people, with a side of noodles.

So I'm finally in my host family's place. We got set up yesterday after buying our teiki (commuter pass) and going out to lunch. Tasty tasty ramen!



I also asked Ayumi (my assigned buddy) what these thin brown things were, and she said kikurage but couldn't explain it, so we looked it up in my electronic dictionary. Do you know what the definition kikurage says? Jew's ear. Wtf, that's all I've got to say. But then she explained that it was a kind of kinoko, or mushroom. Yesterday I ate mushrooms AND fish. In the same day. If you know me at all those are the two things I avoid at nearly all costs, though lately I'd been trying to get a bit more comfortable with them since I knew I wouldn't get to be as picky when I got here.

I have been in and out of my room and on the computer all day so far, so I've kind of drifted away from writing this, but I'll end it with this:
I love Japan. I love the food, the people, the culture, the history. It's not all kittens and lolly pops, and I think you have to understand that to truly love it, but it's such an interesting and rich culture. But god damnit am I lonely, and I've only been here a few days. No boyfriend to talk to, can't call the parents very often, barely skating by with internet at my host family's home what with stealing someone else's connection, and not really anybody I know more than a smidge. I hope that my host family and I get along fine so that I don't have even more pressure there.

Wish me luck? I think I'm just being kind of emo at the moment, haha.

As a follow up...

You don't even want to know what the bathroom looks like. I felt kind of bad walking in and Ai and Midori saying "OOOH HIROI" (spacious), while I was over to the side thinking HOLY FUCK THIS IS SMALL.

(Thank you John for pointing out how incredibly tired I still was when I posted this... I originally put hidoi instead of hiroi, hah.)

I cuss a lot while stressed and tired. Who would have guessed?

I'm sitting in my tiny ass (shared) hotel room, sweating my non-existent balls off because for the life of me I can NOT figure out how to open the damn windows. I'm anxious because my two checked bags won't get here until tomorrow morning and I, in all of my stressed glory, failed to pack a pair of pants with my extra change of clothes in the carry-on luggage. So I've got the brown skirt I was wearing today... and my black zelda shirt. This'll totally work out, right?

Bless my technological skills, the air conditioner is now on and at full blast! Now I get to wait till tomorrow to look all red and sweaty!

You know, thinking about it, I don't even know why the heck I am still alive and kicking at the moment. I didn't sleep last night (or is it the night before? I have no god damn clue), and I have basically been up for like... two whole days. I thought staying up the night before would mean I would sleep on the plane, but that plan most definitely backfired. Those seats are just so god damn uncomfortable, and I was feeling too antsy.

And to top it all off, the mind fuck that is having to speak (or at least understand) Japanese. A bit of me not studying at all this summer, a bit of me being in a neurotic, sleep deprived state, a bit of me not being able to just keep the fuck up with what they are saying... here's hoping this gets a hell of a lot easier lol. I AM glad to see that I am not the only person in the group that's feeling that way about the Japanese. There's already been a couple of the guys who speak pretty much nothing but Japanese to the Waseda students and, I must admit, it heavily intimidates me.

I need to wash myself and pass the fuck out because figuring out my international calling card is apparently beyond my mental comprehension at the moment. I'm sure I'll have some more entertaining shit to spew out by the end of the week.

Scared Kanjiless

So, I am abso-fuckin'-lutely (pardon my french) way too good at procrastinating for my own good. This I can say whole-heartedly and with much confidence. I have had one of my best friends tell me I take it to a whole new level, and I'd have to agree with him. Something is wrong when you can get away with writing papers, doing projects, and studying for tests mere hours before it's due and still get A's and B's the whole time.

This will undoubtedly bite me in the ass once I get to Japan.

Why, you ask? You see, once I arrive I have to take a test to dictate which level of Japanese I will take at my exchange university. This scares the bejesus out of me because I have done pretty much jack shit for studying (like make flash cards... which I haven't even studied yet), and I'm afraid I'm going to place too low for my real level in the language, simply because my memory has lapsed a bit over the summer. The real potential problem here, that I only just recently realized, is that I need third year college level Japanese as a basic requirement for both my major and minor. What if, by testing too low, I don't get that credit that I should be getting? That would set me back at least a couple terms.

Well, I think Saturday and Sunday will just have to be full of studying, planning, and packing. I still need to see if I can find some thermal underwear, as well as making sure I have gifts to give to potential host family members (I won't find out who they are until 3 days after I arrive).

You're all probably bored shitless by now with my ranting, and I need to leave to go out to comedy with my family, so I'll see you guys when I have something a bit more interesting to say.

P.S. I apologize for the crappy excuse for a pun as a title.

The Packing Nightmare is nigh!

The trip is merely two weeks away, and my excitement is definitely got a bit of nervousness now added to it. Only today (well, Monday the 1st) did I start studying Japanese for the first time this summer, and even that wasn't much. Just a bit of kanji practice, and only about a chapter of practicing writing them. I really really need to go over my grammar and vocabulary (or lack thereof) since I'll be promptly taking a test to determine which level of Japanese I'll get into at Waseda. I've always prided myself on doing fairly well with Japanese, but I'm thinking this lack of study is gonna hit me hard once I arrive. I guess I'll find out the hard way, blech.

Other than that, my preparations are... going. That's about all they're doing. I got my luggage (though I need to clean out my backpack), but I still need to pick up various items sometime soon. This is where my anal retentive streak comes in and I can't really decide how much of or what to bring. I want to be able to bring enough of something I might not get in the United States (I'm not exactly Japanese-sized, in pretty much ALL aspects except perhaps height), but I also need to worry about weight limit since they basically take your right arm and your first born child if you go over that limit.

I feel infinitely unprepared, and though my procrastination is usually subsided by the excitement of something I'm very hyped up for, it seems to be stubborn and persistent on staying with me right now.

I'm going to be working a lot this week (comparatively, anyway) which means that it'll probably go by faster, but I'm not sure whether that's good or not. I'm pretty sure the solution to my problem is to go drown myself in the wonderful world of Harry Dresden!

P.S. I like how, for the last 4 months, I've posted only once a month. I promise this won't become a trend once I actually land in Tokyo!